So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
