there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
