there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my poor anus
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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