You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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