we have officially lost it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
