anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
