No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
