A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery