You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.