You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it