Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I just know... :) goodntight

(1-281): View more from Texas

Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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(217): View more from Illinois

dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!

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(845): View more from New York

He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.

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(917): View more from New York City

No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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(805): View more from California

That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....

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(602): View more from Arizona

RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...

(480): View more from Arizona

IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY

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