Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.