I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?