I wish I could punch you in the face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life