Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.

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  (619): You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on. http://tfl.nu/5706
  Replies (3) Good night (4129) Bad night (525)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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  (641): i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door.. http://tfl.nu/c547
  Replies (20) Good night (656) Bad night (4348)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents

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  (904): i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents http://tfl.nu/zd1e
  Replies (60) Good night (1580) Bad night (4724)
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  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11727) Bad night (1222)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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  (519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry
  Replies (35) Good night (1259) Bad night (3608)
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  (845): View more from New York

  well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back

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  (845): well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back http://tfl.nu/xxu5
  Replies (33) Good night (4261) Bad night (1404)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.

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  (541): I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis. http://tfl.nu/x9yx
  Replies (4) Good night (889) Bad night (567)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That d should have definitely been an s.

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  (614): I just watched my mom get dick on Skype. (614): That d should have definitely been an s. http://tfl.nu/dkna
  Replies (9) Good night (1110) Bad night (664)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Locking that text forever.

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  (503): I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt? (1-503): Locking that text forever. http://tfl.nu/8ooh
  Replies (0) Good night (817) Bad night (369)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.

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  (540): When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become. http://tfl.nu/2ybp
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (329)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.

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  (864): I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population. http://tfl.nu/aqkb
  Replies (3) Good night (443) Bad night (230)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  .As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.

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  (301): .As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it. http://tfl.nu/uc8c
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (216)
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  (858): View more from California

  she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"

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  (858): she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec" http://tfl.nu/979e
  Replies (0) Good night (546) Bad night (348)
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  (849): View more from

  Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons

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  (849): Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons http://tfl.nu/2why
  Replies (6) Good night (474) Bad night (319)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail

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  (724): I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail http://tfl.nu/hvvp
  Replies (1) Good night (147) Bad night (370)

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