Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.