her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
