My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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