Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
