dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
