She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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