Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
