tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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