She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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