you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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