my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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