this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
