I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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