His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
