even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
