Welp...herpes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
