true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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