Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
