where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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