Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
