did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
