he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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