dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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