i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I AM VODKA MAN
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
