awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
