Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
