community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she peed on how many people?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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