he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
