Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
