Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
