Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just gift wrapped bread.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
