My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
