is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
