the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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