I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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