you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
