Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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