We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
