Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
