My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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