Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
