Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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