I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You can't special order awesome
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I currently don't understand fingers.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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