i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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