It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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