i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
