I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
