Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
