True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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