She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize