Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
