oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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