HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
