i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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