So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
