I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
