Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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