Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
