Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
