I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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