wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
