dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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