Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
