Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
