Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Randomize
