Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
