All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
