I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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