I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
