yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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