I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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