Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He has the fingertips of a God
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
