Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My pussy is not your playground.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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