You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
only you would photoshop your dick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
