Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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